As I grew up and moved away from my hometown to college, I remember promising myself that I would find a church to continue leading worship with, even if it was totally different than what I had been used to. But something happened....it didn't happen that way. I tried out for one vocal team, wasn't selected & I struggled to find a church that didn't feel like a chapel service from the university I attended (and by this I mean, I struggled to find a church were there weren't 100s of students from my school). This now was over six years ago & much has happened since. It's been so long since I have sang on a worship team or led worship. & sometimes I would wonder if that gift I once had has been taken away from me, or that's not what I am supposed to be doing anymore. While I know that now in my life, I have other responsibilities that need my attention; such as being a mother and a wife and a homemaker. And to be honest, I've come to terms with this gift that I once had not being prominent in my life (at least not in the way that it was). I think that over the past 6 years I have been able to realize and accept that a worshiper doesn't just worship when people are watching, but they worship with their life. I know, I know, I've known this for the whole time I led worship, but I feel like I'm finally getting to know this truth.
Currently, life is tough. And quite honestly, I don't want to share with the world the things my family is facing often. But what I can share is what God spoke to my heart about worship recently. Something I've heard a million times but it was made personal while facing a challenge. You see, it's easy to praise God when life is good & when things are going smooth. It's easy to worship and sit in God's presence when the sailing is easy & there's not much to complain about. But what about when the tough times come? What about when you don't know why you're still going through challenges that you've faced for months? Not so easy to offer up praise from your mouth, huh? I know this reality all too well. But the conviction I felt was close to my heart. You see, regardless of being on a worship team or whatever not, I still consider myself a worshiper. And it's easy to be at church. But today, I could hear God challenge my heart and say, "but if you're a worshiper, you'd be able to truly worship me at all times; good and bad." Ouch. I thought about it and realized how right he was. I remember times in high school when things fell apart for me. I wasn't sure if I would be able to go to the college I wanted to attend, my on-again off-again boyfriend were having troubles and my mom had just left for Teen Challenge. I struggled that season of life. But even while I was hurting, I still praised. I remember praising God. I remember a specific time of singing and crying in the car as I drove away from my mom with pain but also with a joy that I couldn't ignore. I suppose older Sunnee can learn a thing or two from younger Sunnee!
It's so much easier to offer up complaints from our lips than it is to offer up praise & worship in hard times. Our hearts can be so fickle! At least I know mine can me. I see myself complaining, whether it's in my heart or aloud, instead of praising God when things are tough. That isn't what worship looks like. Praise should continuously be in my mouth,
Maybe this post is just ramblings & won't make sense to anyone but me, but I can't help but know that what I am going through, what God is allowing me to go through, is making me a better person...a better Christ-follower...a better worshiper...which is all I aim to be.
xoxo
Sunnee Lynn
